Rossington 58 (Lord 5-9 or thereabouts). Collegiate 59 - 0. 6 points and the LeagueCottonwool in hand I pitched up at Abbeydale at 4.30a.m. for the Championship decider at Rossington. Despite the skipper and the chairman's shabby punctuality we got off to a start earlier than most Test matches.

Lobstar impressively grunted through the upper order of cack-handers (reminiscent of all those Derbyshire village sides...as was their ability in this top strong nifty division let me tell you). At the other end Mick seemed to be having trouble with his prayer mat and kept their exhilarating run rate up to just under 2/over.

Early highlights were provided by 4-shot's run out missile(guidance system off)Thanks Ashy....and your correspondent's knee work and 50 yard round trip retrieval (shoddy). After bollocking the oppo's one run scorer S.L.P. gave way to The Lord of the Manor who utterly bamboozled the remaining players who came in wearing pads and carrying bats (5/9 off 8 or summat). Ashy 4 victims. The chairman was lucky to be kept on by the way as the skipper flagrantly ignored my warming-up routine. Rossington all out 58 about as good as Y&DL div2 and less interesting than the east coast main line close by.

Some chain-smoking foreigner slapped off the runs, pretty aerially throgh the offside while Sick- Note bobbed and weaved like Herol Graham against the left arm recruitment objective. Won by 10 Wickets.

The skipper got the beers in and even though he managed to avoid annoying the lady umpire and the interesting looking guests at the wedding reception, cannot escape censure for his dressing room performance. Attempting a lewd sexual act with a minor (even if Simmo is 6ft. 2 in.) is still a bookable offence...where was Danno when you needed him.

It was of course an honour and a privilege to take part in the clincher, especially with so many former muckers Ibbo and first played in the same side back in 1971 by the way and let me tell you son he was a ginner then and while I'm on..............snore..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz