After an absence of a few matches I am back with the latest match report, Castleford. The others that I have missed out will now be forgotten (rest their souls) and I will start afresh. On a sunny Saturday the troops set of up to the town of Castleford and a ground with some monstrously big square boundaries. Spiritual leader Matthew Dixon won the toss and decided to have a Gary Pratt. Opening up was our esteemed matriarch Blade, and the Bow-Legged wonder Joseph Edward Root, Yorkshire CCC employee. Blade started off brightly and hit a nice boundary before he indulged in one of his favourite pastimes when not playing cricket. However, fishing in cricket is not a good idea and snicked off to one Jason Pitcher, who used to frequent the squares of Abbeydale. This bought Wally to the crease and against a swinging ball both found going relatively difficult and soon the Silverback Gorilla fell, shaping to drive one and being bowled through the gate. This announced the arrival of Big Maccadaddy, and he struggled to get off the mark before he was given a juicy ball going down the legside, he missed it and the ball cannoned into his pads, a half-hearted appeal is given; Macca, looking for the run is three quarters of the way down the wicket, the umpires finger goes up. Macca storms off, a slight crash bang wallop and the next we see of Macca is him fully showered and ready for tea. Collegiate 32-3. Next in was Pedro Turnbull and together he and Joe made batting look very easy. Cas bought on their very own Yorkshire CCC employee, one Mr. David Wainwright. However, for his first three overs he was made to look like what is left behind in the toilet after Wall-E has just been in as Joe and Swivelmoose took him for 29. Joe in particular playing (Liquorice) all sorts of reverse sweeps that disappeared to the boundary. Joe then fell to a good catch for 44 after pulling a ball very hard to midwicket. Albosaur was now in and together he and Rotationalheffer took the score to 101 before a contentious decision went against us as the Bendybuffalo as adjudged LBW. J-Diddy came in and after hitting a couple of nice boundaries before falling. Varls battled hard in supporting Albie before getting a ball that climbed and tool the shoulder of the bat and was caught at slip. Collegiate 140-7. This bought myself to the crease, someone who up to that point had not really known what a bat was for seeing as I used it that little. With the mindset that it couldn’t get much worse than it already was I set about hitting the dust of the face of my bat. The Samurai, who had remained with honour while all around him fell, fell to a good bit of bowling. T-Dog then came and gave me support as I edged and slashed my way towards 20, a figure that was previously known as Everest. T then chipped a catch to mid off and HMS Dixon arrived. He departed 7 balls later due to one of the more interesting pieces of umpiring I have ever borne witness to. The umpire giving the LB on the fact that the bowler (who had played for England A) nodded. Move over Albie, theres a new man with Jedi/Ninja mind tricks in town. Collegiates innings closed on 174, I was left stranded on 29, an obvious double century denied...
Tea was good, apart from having to be sat near that man Pitcher, having to listen to him and Wall-E reminisce about shared car journeys was just to much excitement for Blade to handle, and he very nearly spontaneously combusted! Highlights include Bruce Willis eating his own bodyweight in bananas, joining Callis and Wall-E as the primates in the team.
Fishcake and CurvyCaribou opened the bowling, and despite not bowling particularly badly the Cas openers rattled along quickly as any ball that beat the infield raced away to the boundary faster than Ts’ hair is disappearing. After 4 overs Jase was replaced by Dicko who immediately made the breakthrough, getting one back for us on the dodgy decision front in the process. Cas 29-1. The Duke then got his second as he enticed the opener so far out of his crease he could congratulate Dicko on his mastery of flight by shaking his hand. At the other end Lipton’s Iced T replaced Pedro and immediately hit his straps, and should have had their main man caught at fine leg ; however, as the man who dropped it is my captain I decline to comment on this incident*. T-Diddy didn’t have to wait much longer though as he got the Royal Marine to feather an edge through to Albie who gobbled the chance more eagerly than a sushi roll with extra wasabi. Cas 69-3. The next batsmen hung around for about as long as a vegan at an abattoir as he edged to Old Father Time at slip. The next partnership put on 37 with nothing of note happening until Varls (powered by events from the night before) induced the edge and the rest was completed by the finest of gullys, Big Macca. J.E.Root introduced himself instead of Dicko and immediately had the batsmen in problems with his Michael Yardy approach to spin bowling, a couple of balls really gripping and spitting like an irate kitten. With the score at 122-5 I was brought on for Varley, who along with T had bowled a magnificent spell. I then got the batsmen to schnick it to Blade who looked as happy as when he first laid eyes on a glass coffee table as he took the catch. The batsmen claimed I had beaten in it in drift but he just played down the wrong line as I have never drifted it in my life. I then got the next wicket as the Cas number 8 chipped a simple catch to Darth Dicko at midwicket. Cas 132-7, the number 3 was still there and he “survived” another chance as he swept me hard only to see a leaping Varley get hands to it before shelling it. In reality it was a 4 saved rather than a chance dropped! The number 3 was next to go as he hit the ball to me at point and ran, I made the inexplicable decision to through at the bowlers end rather than give Albie a simple chance to run the number 9 out; (i must have been the drama queen in me) and in a sight scarcely seen in my 19 years on this earth the stumps were splattered by my throw with the batsmen short of his ground. The next challenge was getting the final 2 wickets. I removed one with the help of a smart catch at short leg by Varls and J.E.Root removed the number 11 to spark scenes of jubilation, a return to winning ways for SCCC.
*it was a sitter
http://www.play-cricket.com/scoreboard/scorecard.asp?id=11116469