Straight Red Puts Simmo in the Mood for Heroic Century

A Friday night red card in Spearmint Rhino for over excessive chundering for captain, Mike Simpson proved the catalyst for a match winning century at Coal Aston. Simmo was clearly in the mood for revenge and took it out on the Coal Aston attack in amazing fashion as he plundered an unbeaten 165 to lead the seconds to victory over our near-neighbours.

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Composed AJ Sees Seconds Home in Season Opener

The 2nd Team narrowly avoided turning a likely 2 wicket victory into defeat at Wickersley thanks to a composed and sensible knock from AJ.

The morning began with a bout of gout forcing Rooty to withdraw to be replaced by a hungover Crafty fresh from a night of drink and Formula 1 Racing at a mate’s house. “I didn’t know I was playing till half 9 this morning, I’m still pi**ed!” It seems that some things take longer than a winter to change. We welcomed Angelo into the side and he impressed with the fielding session despite Bully’s efforts to talk to him just as he was about to catch the ball.

That said, it was a glorious day and one fitting for a trip to Northfield Lane.

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Future Number 11

I’m sure you’ll all like to join me in congratulating Waif and his Mrs Liz on the birth of their second child, Jack.

Jack was born on Boxing Day and already the likeness with his father is clear for all to see. It’s rumoured that his journey from the womb was rather crab-like (ala Waif’s batting style) and on entering the world, Jack looked around the delivery suite, grabbed a hankerchief and in true Longley style, blew his hooter like a good ‘un. Fortunately, Jack, like his elder brother Daniel appear to have been spared the infamous Longley nose.

The news of Jack’s birth has had mixed response particularly in the Barnsley region where Elsecar fast bowling hero, Paul Tasker was quoted as saying ” **** me! Now there’s 3 of them going to be trying to destroy me! I’m off to join the Central Yorkshire League!” Elsecar CC are currently deciding whether to take legal action against both Longers and Colegiate.

Waif meanwhile is over the moon and celebrated Jack’s arrival by cracking open the Lenor, putting a wash on and attacking the pile of ironing that had been left for him. This part is actually a part-lie. Waif also got s**t-faced as usual.

It is in fact no accident that Waif has named his children Jack and Daniel which is very reminiscent of a famous alcoholic drink. However, reports that he is sponsored by the brewers of Jack Daniels are unfounded at this stage. I’m sure we will learn more when Longers’ autobiography, ‘Me, the ironiong and a bottle of Thunderbird.’ is released in the summer.

Seriously though, congratulations to both Longers and Liz and of course Wiz who is now a specialist Grandafather

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