Sheffield Collegiate First XI vs Hull YPI First XI Yorkshire League Cup Round 1

The first of a hat trick of match reports that I was hoping to not have to write!
The First XI were back in Hull and if anything the wind was even stronger, however there was less rain about so swings and roundabouts. Dixon of Dock Green lost the toss (no surprises there) and Hull chose to bat on the same pitch that we had played on before. The pitch was now as slow as Oli Pearson and as flat as a bottle of 7 year old Panda Pop. There was, on the plus side, a smidgen of turn and the 3 Collegiate spinners were hoping to exploit this to the (Pepsi) Max. I say 3 spinners as into the team for the first time arrived Oliver “Russell” Pearson, a 13 year old in with an enormous amount of talent. When I was his age I was still desperately trying to get the Dark Charizard Pokémon Card, how the youth of today grow up so quickly. Anyways, Hulls innings; Our opening duo of Jase “Sicknote” Fisher and T “insert anything with T in its name in here” Hancock. On the same pitch as the day before anything short sat up and was in the words of the esteemed Nick Gaywood (absent here today due to being under his wife’s thumb) “Wogged” to the boundary with disdain. However the Hull openers eagerness to pull more than a 15 year old boy at his first party led to his downfall as he topped edged one in the air off Jay Z. Wongy was underneath, knees trembling, memories of Cleethorpes the year before etched into his mind. Time stood still, it was just him and the ball, moments later it was all over, Wongy had taken a dolly… Hull 14-1. Next the curse of the umpire struck; first T-Pain had the Ryan Sidebottom look alike caught behind of an edge heard in nearby Russia, however the umpire inexplicably cut the celebrations short; cue him getting the full hands on hips stare from His Lordship at mid off. After Jase had bowled not too many overs (courtesy of the night before and Stevie Chundering in a car park) HRH Dixon bought himself on. He then proceeded to have the remaining opener trapped in front; it was more plumb than a plum(b) pudding. Dicko had forgotten who the umpire was though, and sure enough the LB shout was turned down. 2 matches played with this umpire LBW appeals from both sides- 20+, LBW appeals given- 1 (Wongy did walk though!) This was a crucial decision as some good batting combined with some lacklustre fielding meant that it was 150 before the next wicket fell. Before that wicket fell though special mention must go to Oli Pearson, who despite bowling against 2 settled batsmen bowled with the accuracy and control of Phil the Power Taylor and was only hit for one 4 in a 8 over spell which yielded only 32 runs. Up is the only way for this young boy, although a little speed training would not go amiss! After T-Dogger had bowled his opening spell it was time for the introduction of Bilbo Root who again got the odd ball to really zip through and cause the batsmen more problems than a Dear Deirdre page. However there was one 4 ball an over and so after 4 overs for 21 runs he was replaced by myself. After Oli had finished his spell Admiral Dixon bought himself back on and it was he who made the breakthrough, luring Ryan Sidebottom out of his crease for the Ninja assassin behind the stumps to silently claim another helpless victim. 2 more runs had been added before the opener fell in exactly the same way, this time of the bowling of Little Lord Fauntleroy (that’s me), Albosaur successfully chalking off another target. Hull 152-3. Next in was the left handed smasher who had hit a very good 50 the day before. He proceeded to swing like a Canadian Lumberjack and struck a couple of mighty blows before top edging one back to me. Kids, a lesson, never shout “drop it” when someone is about to take a catch, you may have a few words said to you and you will look like even more of a tool than Wall-E in his Armani crop-top. After both myself and Wing Commander Dixon had finished our spells (10-2-45 and 9-1-53 respectively) it was time for the seamers to come back on and finish the innings off. With the remaining batsmen swinging like rusty gates in order to try and get as big a total as possible wickets fell regularly due to some top bowling. Jason Derulo picking up 2 more to go with his earlier one before T-Diddy stole the show in the final over. 3 wickets for 3 runs, all clean bowled, a perfect example of death bowling (and the angriest No.11 in the world.) Hull closing on 238-9.

Tea was not as good as the day before, a letdown due to the lack of onion rings, however watching Newcastle score a 90th minute equaliser pushes it up to an acceptable level.
Collegiate’s innings opened with Wall-ander and Albie waddling out to the wicket and they got us off to a decent start before the Silverback Gorilla aimed to sweep the heir to the Aunt Bessie Empire and was bowled round his legs. As he trudged off knuckles dragging on the ground while his son tried to destroy a cricket bat with his bike on the boundary (I kid ye not) the scoreboard read 39-1. Albie, looking a lot more fluent after his innings the day before, continued to hit some nice shots while he was joined at the crease by the Hull legend, Bill Root. Bill played nicely for his 28 before giving a catch off the bowling of Boasman for another score in the 20s, will he ever convert? Find out in a later match report! (That’s a big hint by the way) Riaz was the next man in and he and Albuquerque batted steadily to take the score to 157. However the run rate was rising as our batsmen couldn’t quite hit the gaps and the Hull spinners bowled good areas whilst being well backed up in the field. Riaz was the next to succumb, bringing to the crease the younger but bigger (in every way including belly) Simmo. Simmo played himself in carefully as usual; first two balls were carefully defended for 4 runs each. The man not renowned for his big hitting surprised us all in hitting a DLF maximum (6 runs) but he soon departed for a breezy 24 off only 12 balls. Meanwhile, with wickets falling regularly at the other end Albie was still there, looking as solid as a toffee found at the bottom of your grandma’s handbag. Fishcake was the new batsmen and with the run rate rising drastically there was no time to play yourself in. Just when Albie looked set for his first first team century he decided to hit the ball to a fielder saving one and run (not generally the done thing). One direct hit later and there was one very angry looking half Japanese man running back to the pavilion for a fine 84. The scorecard from here on in does not make for pretty reading, Wongy came and went for a 5 ball duck, run rate getting ridiculous now. Jason was manfully trying his best and swatted some boundaries. I thought I would try the same and would have succeeded off my first ball if I hadn’t missed it, stumps everywhere. Collegiate 208-7. From then on it was always going to be an uphill battle and with wickets being lost going for suicidal shots and runouts the Collegiate innings closed when Oli Pearson was run out by a direct hit from the boundary. We were 225 all out and out of the cup. Could we bounce back next week with a victory at Driffield on the Saturday and Sandiacre on the Sunday?

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