4ths go for Eights

As the Henley regatta drew to a close yesterday the 4ths matched the rowing venue in a cockless eights show at Parkhead. Arrival at the ground was accompanied by a deluge of monsoon proportion and heeding the Weather warning Webster dragged Shabby into the thunder free environment of the Wheatsheaf. If Carlsberg did cricket it would be this way. As the Parkhead boys removed their plastic ‘coverings’ a few vessels were dismissed as Webster detailed the antics of the ‘boobs with willies brigade’ who reside on the 4th floor of The Crazy Horse in Bratislava and would appear to recieve a large proportion of this tax exile’s depravity fund. Umpires inspect the pitch and the ‘coverings’ have left a wet patch that dear old John Holmes would have been proud of. To the batsmens eye this patch was on a perfect length and hence a fielding opportunity arose. Captain Crash won the toss and the top versus bottom clash was on albeit reduced to 36 overs. The boundary saw the arrival of Brittle Bone Dixon, MaKenna and Ketts ‘Can we have a game lads’ as the old playground banter would have started, ‘Nah your crap, get some mates of ya own’ It then became clear that the wet patch must have moved as we couldn’t hit it. However we did hit the dry, short, wide bits and after five overs they were fifty for none. In the 7th over Danny had a sneezing fit on the point of delivery and the ball actually hit the aforementioned wet patch reared sharply and the opener was smartly taken at 2nd slip by Davey. At the other end Angry was crap. In the 10th over their opener hit a crisp lofted cover drive of Desperate Dan to the Carlsberg fuelled Shabby who’s sun blurred vision let him continue his innings. Angry was really crap now and was directly responsible for the Death of a blackbird merrily singing at the top of a tree 200yds away. At 120 for 1 after 14 overs the strawbery blonde had had enough and young Chris Pickford was summoned from the post office where he had been fielding. At this point his father was on Vessel 5 but promptly sent the wife for a top up three so he could watch his son’s four overs. First two balls slid down to unprotected third man for four, third ball 4 wides and then when Shabby said from mid-off to the youth that money was involved fourth ball rocked offstump, old man sank 6th and much hilarity was had. At the other end Ellis decided that 8 an over was too miserly and the Wheatsheaf closed on the grounds of public safety. Pickford returned for his second over went immediately for 4 then another catch at midwicket for the disconsolate Angry meant that the Pickford old man was now sinking. ‘Shabby you alright for a few?’ Time for a leg end to emerge from 3yrs in the wilderness. Three full tosses out of four deliveries meant that he was questioned about the length of the pitch at Chatsworth but soon hit the mark. After his second over the heavens opened and tea was taken. Ketts remarked that Shabby’s action was stiffer than a 10yr convict on release and then went into umpire talk with Cliff about how problematic rain breaks were. Cliff calmly replied what would Ketts know when all he does is sit inside at Lords waching the replay and still gets it wrong. Nice tea was spoilt with a return to the field but not for long as the good men of Parkhead decided they only needed 26 overs to make 250 so we could have 10 of theirs. Strawberry hit a six and one four whilst Davey dug a trench. The wet patch reappeared and they could hit it. Ash left a wide one which can’t have been that wide cos it took his off stump out, Webster hit one onto his pad for an LBW and Davey departed soon after with foot rot. Shabby and Leips at the wicket with the nicotine man expressing concern for the spinner.Having been proferred the advice of ‘leg down and twat it’ Leips hit three consecutive sixes a four and then a chimney pot.He was back in time to pick up his smouldering tab end. Shabby hit a brisk 40 (the topscore again, his fourth in four innings says the writer) but to no avail. Young Pickford smacked a big six, young Kallis looks a great prospect but the lack of Naik etc is hurting. Next week its Holmesfield and bring your hats boys and they better be as good as the ones at Ascot or Henley.

3 thoughts on “4ths go for Eights

  • 7th July 2008 at 11:08 am
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    Having watched the whole game (well apart from the time spent in the Wheatsheaf buying drinks which I calculate to be around 3 hours) I can honestly say that this is a well written and accurate report. I also think I myself made it into double figures around the time our final wicket fell.

  • 6th July 2008 at 1:48 pm
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    Poorly researched, error strewn, lazy, badly informed reporting of the poorest kind. This rubbish would be out of place even in the muck raking “red top” rags of Wapping. Standing on the shoulders of sports writing giants like Hugh Mcilvenny you should be ashamed Andrew! I and all the other memebers of the club expect, nay deserve, better. Let the facts speak for themselves. In order to salvage some crumb of respectability let me once and for all put the record straight.

    Crazy Horse is in Singapore NOT Bratislava. (rest of it seems ok)

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